Wally Walrus

The TV was on while my sister had lunch and I checked my e-mails on my laptop. The channel was Globo News, Guido Mantega was talking about the Brazilian economy. I can`t remember any word of what he was saying, and even if I had the will or interest to pay attention, I don`t think I would. I wondered if anyone could speak in such a boring way. I was surprised to find my sister watching it. And even more surprised when I noticed she was actually paying attention and looked very interested. When she noticed me staring at her, she started:
- Look at that guy, on the back. – There were two men standing behind the politician – The one with the mustache.
- What about him?
- Do you think he`s asleep?
- I wouldn`t be surprised, this is unbearably boring.
The mustache guy was a bit chubby and wore glasses. His hair and mustache were dark brown, although he appeared to be over 50. Maybe he dyed his hair. About five minutes passed before we first saw him moving.
- There, he`s not asleep – I assured her, although with those glasses we couldn`t tell whether his eyes were open or not.
- I bet he`s thinking of last night`s barbeque: “I could use some of that beef right now”.
- Yeah, like: “I think I`m going to call my wife after this session and ask her to make some for dinner”.
- “Oh, is this ever going to end? Maybe I should just stop by that McDonalds drive-thru and buy a meal. Oh, right, they have that Sunday deal… hum Sunday.”
At that exact moment he actually licked his lips. It was very subtle, but it caused us to laugh uncontrollably. We kept on translating his thoughts.
- “Man, I`m so hungry! It`s lunch time and this guy won`t stop talking.” – I said.
- “Oh, I almost forgot I`m on TV. Maybe they can see my annoyance. Maybe my wife is watching. I`ll send her a text, nobody will notice.”
- Do you think he would?
- No, I think he remembered he was hungry and forgot about his wife.
- Or maybe he`s just thinking of telling her what to cook.
- Or he`s thinking: “I`m going to get that Wood-Pecker!”
Another wave of uncontrolled laughs. He did look a lot like Wally Walrus, the character from Woody Wood-Pecker, one of the most popular cartoons in Brazil during our childhood.
We kept on dubbing the guy`s thoughts, now trying to imitate Wally Walrus`s voice, when we realized we had been watching that for over 20 minutes.
- You know what? – my sister got finally bored – Friends is on.
- Right, I`ll switch to Warner channel.